


Comeback of desire

by Vinushuka



Series: One year with Apocalyptica [32]
Category: Apocalyptica
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-09 03:14:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12879015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinushuka/pseuds/Vinushuka
Summary: After a passionate night and lovely morning with Yusuke Anna is convinced that he's the man for her and shares the news openly with Perttu. During a subsequent sauna evening Anna's relationship with Yusuke gets more serious and deeper tones leaving all other men in her life playing second fiddle. Desire hadn't been a part of Yusuke's life for three years but now it turns up very potent making Anna happy and slightly surprised. When Patrik calls to ask about Yusuke, Anna doesn't bother to hide her feelings for him. Patrik's request to meet Anna delights her but makes her wonder...





	1. Breakfast with Yusuke

# Comeback of desire

 

## Breakfast with Yusuke (1)

I started awake early on Friday morning before the sunrise. There was already some light, enough to see the tattooed arm holding me. I was confused: When had Perttu taken a full sleeve tattoo? Suddenly I realized that I wasn’t sleeping with Perttu. He was on tour in USA and I was in bed with Yusuke.

      I would have liked to turn towards him but I gave up the idea. I didn’t want to wake up the man sleeping soundly behind my back. However, after a while I started to have an irresistible need to pee and was forced to get up and go the bathroom.

      When I returned, Yusuke was still sleeping in spite of the disturbance my movements had caused. I laid down on my side facing Yusuke because I couldn’t sleep on my back for obvious reasons. The dawn was getting brighter and I could see Yusuke’s features clearly. Considering his age, his skin was remarkably smooth and his lips were fuller than most Finnish men had. A strand of black hair flowed onto his cheek and down to his lips. I couldn’t resist moving it gently behind his ear.

      I was startled when he suddenly opened his dark eyes and grinned. “Caught you!”

“Sorry, I didn’t intend to wake you up. I wanted to give you a kiss but your hair was in my way”, I explained blushing in the process.

“It’s out of the way now so... ”, Yusuke teased me and stroke my cheek with his fingers.

“Hmmm, your lips are far too tempting”, I whispered and leaned over to kiss first the side of his mouth and after that his lips.

“Did you sleep well?” I asked when we had finished our long and gentle morning kiss.

“Yes, I did. To my surprise I didn’t even see my regular nightmare.”

“What kind dream is it?” I asked although I could guess what it was related to.

“I’m standing on a high hill watching the tsunami rush towards my house and there’s nothing I can do about it. Everything is washed away in front of my eyes…”

“I think I know the feeling”, I commented remembering Perttu’s moose incident.

      Yusuke’s cell phone reminded us that it was time to get up. He shut down the alarm and sat up. “I will prepare us some breakfast… You can take a nap if you want to”, Yusuke proposed.

“You’re spoiling me”, I replied but was thankful for his consideration. I couldn’t sleep anymore so instead I enjoyed the lovely morning listening to the sounds coming from the kitchen and the scent of coffee and frying bacon. Apparently I would get a sturdy English breakfast.

       When I stalked downstairs, Yusuke was laying the table with glasses and mugs for orange juice and coffee. I surprised him by grabbing him from behind when he was picking up the fried bacon and eggs from the kitchen.

“Thanks for being so kind”, I mumbled while hugging him.

“I haven’t had a chance to be kind to anybody for a long time so I use every opportunity to do it now”, Yusuke replied with a smile in his voice.

“What is your schedule this morning?” I asked when we had sat down at the breakfast table, hoping that he could stay with me as long as possible.

“I have a meeting at nine o’clock and I think I should change clothes and pick up Naoki too… I should leave at around seven thirty”, Yusuke replied glancing at his watch. We had about forty minutes to enjoy our breakfast.

\-----

“When will I see you again?” I asked shyly when Yusuke was all dressed up and ready to go.

“Whenever you like. I could come and help you with the garden next week. I will attend a dinner with a customer on Thursday but other evenings are free.”

“I have sauna heated up on every Saturday. You’re welcome tomorrow if your schedule allows”, I proposed feeling slightly unsure. I didn’t want to be pushy.

“That’s another first for me. I’ve never been to sauna before. I guess I will have to try it out too. Sleeping in a water bed turned out to be very pleasant!” Yusuke replied and kissed my forehead. “See you again tomorrow!”

When Yusuke was leaving, he took off his slippers and placed them beside the front door the tips pointing into the house. He was definitely coming back.


	2. Another first

## Another first (2)

I was completely disoriented most of the Friday after Yusuke had left. I drove to work but I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I would have liked to call Perttu right away but it was too early for that. Due to the time difference I would have to wait till the afternoon. Instead I continued my office cleaning and archive arrangements trying to ignore the images that kept popping up in my head. In them Yusuke was either kissing me or pushing himself deep inside me…How could I wait till tomorrow?

      I was relieved when I finally had the chance to share some of the latest events with Perttu. I was worried that he would get angry with me but he seemed to take my new relationship very well. I tried to be honest with him knowing how painful accepting another man’s existence in my life must be. I knew the pain intimately myself and therefore didn’t want to add to it in any way.

      It wasn’t until Saturday noon when I realized that I hadn’t heard anything from Patrik since last Monday. I was ashamed that I had forgotten him completely. He had promised to let me know when he was on his feet again but I hadn’t received any calls or messages from him. What if he was still too sick to do anything?

      I spent about half an hour in panic collecting my courage to call him. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I finally selected his number and waited for him to pick up but he didn’t. I had to settle with sending him an alarmed message asking how he was.

      I was heating up sauna when Patrik finally sent a reply. “Sorry, I just woke up. I’m still in pain and the pain killers make me sleepy. I probably need full two weeks to recover. Take care!”

His message didn’t sound very optimistic but at least he was alive. The thought of him suffering made me shiver but luckily he had people taking care of him. There wasn’t anything I could do for him at the moment so I might as well concentrate in Yusuke.

      The sauna was ready for bathing just in time when my guest arrived. I hurried to meet him outside as I couldn’t wait to get my hands around him. Yusuke got very fast out of his car and grabbed me into his arms as if he hadn’t seen me in weeks.

“I’m so happy to be back again!” Yusuke whispered into my ear. ”How have you been?”

“To be honest, I just can’t stop thinking of you”, I confessed. I was completely obsessed with him.

      “Okay, are you ready for a new experience?” I asked when we entered the sauna dressing room. I had taken two bath whisks I had in my freezer and melted them in cold water. At this time of the year, when there were no leaves on the birches, the only way to enjoy them was to buy a frozen or a dried one. The high season of making bath whisks was in June when the birch leaves were at their best, young and soft.

      I had already explained to Yusuke about the Finnish bathing culture where families bathed together in their own sauna or alternatively had turns for males and females especially when the bathing party was too big for the sauna in question. In our case we would bathe together as my sauna could accommodate three persons at a time.

       We had already been together in bed but, in spite of that, I could sense some nervousness in Yusuke. Being naked together with more or less unfamiliar woman didn’t come naturally to him.

“Do I need a towel or anything?” he asked when I had undressed but he hadn’t.

“No, you don’t need a towel but you need something to sit on in sauna”, I snickered and headed to the bathroom to pick up the linen cloths I used for the purpose. While I did that, Yusuke collected his courage and removed his clothes in the dressing room.

“Wow, you look handsome. I can see you’ve been exercising a lot”, I complimented him admiring his well- trimmed body.

“Well yes. At this age it’s better to take good care of one’s physics. I start to feel awful if I sit at my computer for a week and don’t do anything in the evenings.”

“You can take a shower while I put these cloths on the benches and throw some water on the stove”, I proposed and opened the glass door leading to sauna. After doing that I returned to the bathroom to pick up the bathing whisks I had soaking in a bucket.

“What on earth are those?” Yusuke wondered when he had finished his shower and wiped water from his face.

“I will show you I sauna. You could call this some kind of aromatherapy.”

      When we both were in sauna, I threw some more water on the stove and heated up the bathing whisks in the steam rising from the stove. When the birch leaves were soft enough I climbed up beside Yusuke and took one of the bathing whisks in my hand.

“Are you going to beat me with that thing?” Yusuke asked trying to look horrified but failed in it and burst into laughter.

“Don’t worry! I will be gentle with you. Just turn your back and let me do my thing.”

      Yusuke did as I had asked of him and I gave him a gentle beating with my bathing whisk. The lovely scent of birch leaves brought vividly into my mind summer, sunshine and sitting on a lakeside.

“It’s a pity that we don’t have a lake here. You’re supposed to take a dip in a lake during and after bathing.” I regretted while I was beating Yusuke’s back. “This together with temperature cycling from hot to cold will improve your blood circulation and relax muscles.

“I like the scent. It’s refreshing”, Yusuke mumbled. He was clearly enjoying my aromatherapy.

“Now you can continue yourself. You’re supposed to treat your chest, arms and legs too”, I said and handed him the bathing whisk.

“This isn’t bad at all”, Yusuke smiled after he had beaten himself from head to toe. ”Can I try it out now on your back?”

“Yeah sure, just don’t overdo it”, I smirked and turned my back at him.

“I this okay?” Yusuke asked after giving me a few gentle beats of his whisk.

“That’s fine”, I replied and closed my eyes to enjoy the moment. I hoped I wouldn’t have to bathe alone anymore after Yusuke got used to sauna and its beneficial effects.


	3. Loved ones

## Loved ones (3)

After relaxing in sauna it is often better to cook something easy for dinner. We prepared a simple Mexican stew with chicken, beans and vegetables and enjoyed it with tortillas.

“I should invite you to my place to cook something Japanese with me”, Yusuke said trying to fold his tortilla around too much filling, salad leaves and tortilla chips.

“Sounds like a good idea”, I commented following his efforts with curiosity.  

“Do you need help with that?” I asked when he obviously didn’t have a clue how to wrap a tortilla into a bunch that was easy to eat without soiling yourself all together.

“Err, yes please. I haven’t eaten these before.” Yusuke muttered sounding a little embarrassed.

      I took his plate and folded his portion into a tight package and handed it to him. “Rest assured I will be very clumsy when it comes to making sushi or eating with chopsticks”, I comforted him.

“Thanks…My apartment is very small and half empty but I have all necessary utensils and ingredients there to cook Japanese dishes. You’re invited if you don’t mind the elementary conditions.”

“I’m glad to come. I’m used to elementary conditions. The main thing is your company and good food.”

      As a result we agreed to have our Japanese evening on next Friday after which Yusuke would come and help me with the spring cleaning of my garden. I couldn’t make myself ask if I could stay the night. That might not be possible if his apartment was as empty as he had told me. But I could always be prepared…

      When we were collecting the dishes away, Yusuke asked me the question I had already expected from him. “Did you have a chance to talk with Perttu about us?”

“Yes, I phoned him yesterday. He was very supportive but wanted to meet you in person if possible when he’s back from the USA tour. I proposed that we would arrange a dinner party with him on 9th of May. I invited also his fiancé Johanna and Franky Perez. Is that okay for you?”

“I’m sorry but what has Franky got to do with this?” Yusuke asked frowning his forehead.

“Franky is his boyfriend…or one of them…”

“Hmm, sounds complicated but I don’t have any objections to meet these people if that’s what you want.”

“To be honest, I’m very nervous about meeting Johanna. I have talked with her over the phone but never met her in person. She will be kind of stepmother to Lumi…”

“So, will I then be some kind of stepfather?” Yusuke suddenly asked staring at his toes.

“Would you like to be? It’s a big decision. I don’t want to push you into anything too quickly.”

“I have wanted that from the moment I saw you and talked with you. You are my fate, life, inochi…as I wrote in my letter.”

“Yes, I remember… ima, koko ni, shikanai, watashi no inochi, anata no inochi“, I whispered tears running down my cheeks. I folded my arms around Yusuke wanting him to hold me.

      We stood there quite a while embracing each other. No words were enough to describe the feelings of love and hope filling my mind. At this moment of great happiness I suddenly realized that I hadn’t told Yusuke about the problems I had with my pregnancy.

“Before we go any further I think you should know that there is a risk of complications in my pregnancy. I have shared this with Perttu but not with you…”

I could feel Yusuke’s body stiffen and his breathing stopped for a second. “What kind of complications?” he finally asked with a slightly shaky voice.

“I may be heading towards a condition called pre-enclampsy. It’s typical for mothers getting their first baby at older age. The symptoms are high blood pressure and protein in urine. They are now monitoring me on weekly basis. There’s a possibility that I will be ordered into a complete rest in hospital”, I explained trying to make the facts clear.

“Is there a risk for the baby?” Yusuke asked with a pain in his eyes.

“If it looks like that, I will probably have to give birth prematurely with a caesarean section.”

      “I’m sorry but can I sit down? I don’t feel well”, Yusuke suddenly asked turning pale. I helped him to sit on my sofa realizing that I probably had just made a big mistake. I hadn’t considered the trauma he’d been through…

“I’m sure the doctors will take good care of me. My pregnancy is already on week 33 so if I can hold on couple of weeks more, the baby will be mature enough to be born without complications”, I told Yusuke to calm him down. When I stroke his arm, his skin felt cold and damp and his body was shivering. I was afraid that he was going into a shock. I made Yusuke lie down and covered him with a warm blanket. I sat down beside him stroking his hair and trying to keep calm myself.

“Can I make you some green tea? It will warm you up”, I proposed when his shivering didn’t seem to stop.

“Yes please”, he whispered his teeth chattering.

 

      When I came back from the kitchen with the teacups, Yusuke seemed to be breathing more steadily and his shivering was almost gone.

“I’m sorry. I thought I had got rid of these panic attacks already some time ago”, Yusuke said and raised to a sitting position to drink his tea. “I’m sure this will help”, he said and smiled at me holding the warm teacup with both hands.

“I didn’t mean to spoil our sauna evening with my pregnancy issues but the risk is real and it’s better for you to know where we stand.”

“Of course I want to know. I’m not sure if I could stand another sudden loss of my loved ones.”

Jeez, the way he used the words “loved ones” almost melted my heart. I and Lumi were now the closest thing to a family in his life. “You’re not going to lose us, but we will have to be prepared for sudden schedule changes. I may end up in hospital and Lumi might be born earlier than planned”, I summed up the situation.

      I felt exhausted after all the unexpected events of this evening. Therefore I proposed that we would go to bed early. I just wanted to curl into Yusuke’s arms and forget all my worries. I was sure we would somehow, someday find a way to be together as a family.


	4. Comeback of desire

## Comeback of desire (4)

 “The rumor has it that Yusuke is spending a lot of time at your place. Is that true?” Patrik surprised me with his direct question in the middle of a phone conversation we were having on Thursday, 23rd of April.

      He had called me to let me know that he was feeling already better. The only thing he complained about was the itching of his scars. It was driving him mad. I tried to be funny and proposed that he would ask Naoki to help in scratching. That wasn’t a good idea. I could tell from his voice that he was irritated. Naoki was obviously still evading him. I told Patrik I was sorry and comforted him by telling about the dream I had of him and Naoki. That changed Patrik’s tone altogether. I must have given him hope or new ideas how to approach Naoki.

“Do I hear some jealousy here? But yes, that is true. I’m seeing him again tomorrow. We are cooking something Japanese at his place. During the weekend he will be helping me with garden spring cleaning.”

“How’s my godchild doing? Has she learned any new tricks?”Patrik changed the subject once more.

“Lumi is fine but she’s giving me a hard time. I feel like a Michelin man, stiff and clumsy”, I complained but gave it a laugh afterwards.

“It would be nice to see you some time”, Patrik suddenly told me leaving me confused. I couldn’t remember any occasion when he would have asked to meet me. He came to pick me up when it suited him, no questions asked.

 “You know you can come here any time. I’ve missed your company and besides, I would like to see your scars”, I purred feeling happy. It was wonderful to feel wanted.

“I could come by next Wednesday. I will start working again on Tuesday so I should be well by then.”

“Wednesday is fine for me. Will you be coming straight from work? I could cook us something for dinner”, I proposed.

“I think so. A dinner would be nice but please, don’t overdo it for my sake.”

“I won’t. Can’t wait to see you after such a long time!”  I concluded meaning every word I said.

      After the call I started to wonder if there was a particular reason for his visit but I couldn’t figure out what it might be. To be honest, I didn’t care. I just wanted to see my guardian angel again.

\-----

       It was good that Yusuke had warned me about the elementary conditions of his apartment: His living room had only a table with four chairs and a pile of matrasses serving as a sofa and probably also as a bed. What made the apartment special were the large paintings on the walls and a soft, fluffy and very Scandinavian carpet on the floor.

      His kitchen was small but very well equipped. I gaped in awe at his kitchen appliances and cupboards full of exotic ingredients and spices.

“Do you really need all this to make Japanese dishes?” I wondered fumbling the rice cooker and trying to figure out how it worked.

“Some of the ingredients are for making other oriental dishes, mainly Chinese”, Yusuke replied and folded his arms around me. “Don’t worry, I will show you how to use all the appliances. Cooking rice properly is a tricky business”, Yusuke mumbled in my ear and nibbled it with his teeth. His lips moved slowly to my neck and finally to my nape. He had already found my sweet spot and used the knowledge shamelessly to drive me in sane with lust.

“Please, stop doing that or we won’t get dinner at all”, I panted and pushed myself against his firm body. He was hard…

“Maybe cooking rice can wait a bit”, Yusuke whispered caressing my breasts.

“Hmm, maybe”, I whined when he bit my neck leaving probably a very visible mark on it.

“Do you want to go to bed?”

“No, let’s do it here. It’s easier for me”, I gasped getting more wet every second. Yusuke didn’t waste time in ridding me of my leggings and panties. I took a firm grip of the tabletop and leaned over to ease up Yusuke’s entry.

      I took a deep breath when Yusuke pushed his wonderful weapon inside me. This was better than anything I had experienced before, absolutely perfect. This man was a sensitive and skillful lover. What a waste the three years of his abstinence had been to the womankind.

      Our passion was overwhelming, almost beastly. I didn’t care what I did or what kind of noises I made. I just wanted him to come inside me and enjoy worth all the years he had lost. When he did, I exploded with him gasping for air. I just couldn’t believe I was experiencing something like this at my old age.

“Can I ask something personal? You don’t have to answer if it’s too intimate…”I asked carefully when we had cleaned ourselves, dressed up and were preparing to start cooking.

“Yes, of course, just ask”

“Did you ever consider using sex services? I mean … It must have been hard to abstain for so long.”

“No, for some reason all my desire was gone. I was like a walking dead. You know what I mean: no feelings, no pain, nothing.”

“It looks like your desire has made a comeback now”, I grinned and stroke Yusuke’s back. He skin was glowing under my palm, almost burning my hand.

“Yes, you woke it up on Thursday. It’s burning me inside but I don’t mind. It’s good to be alive again.”

“Hmm, I’m glad to hear that…But now we will have to tackle more difficult matters like how to cook rice with this thing”, I grinned and pointed at the rice cooker sitting on the table top. I was really hungry after our tough physical exercise.

\-----

      I didn’t manage to spoil any of the dishes I made with Yusuke. We prepared yakitori chicken and grilled vegetables and rice for the main course. Naturally our dinner started with a miso soup which Yusuke had prepared beforehand. As a dessert we had macha ice cream with green grapes.

      When we had finished our meal, we went to sit on Yusuke’s sofa. “This sofa looks interesting. Is it your bed too?”

“Yes, you can fold it open to form a double bed. It consists of two thick mattresses. You’re welcome to try it out tonight. It’s not as comfortable as your water bed but not bad either.”

“I’m glad to try it out”, I promised happy that he asked me to stay the night. I stood up from the sofa and kneeled down to study a black box beside the sofa. It looked like a night table but wasn’t. “What is this?”

“It’s my entertainment center”, Yusuke replied switching the thing on with a remote controller. At that moment one of the paintings turned alive and changed into a large flat screen. “Would you like to watch a movie or listen to some music?”

“Wow, you’ve got nice toys. I thought that was a painting…Some music would be nice. What are you listening to?”

“You can browse yourself”, Yusuke told me, opened up his music library and handed the controlled to me.

“You’ve got so much music”, I sighed browsing through the various categories. There was quite much classical music, traditional Japanese music, jazz and some western rock.

“Anything to your liking?” Yusuke asked.

“Maybe you could recommend something calm, maybe jazz. I don’t know any of these artists.”

“Okay, let’s try this one”, Yusuke said and selected an old album of Teru Sakamoto’s trio.

“This sounds nice”, I commented and sat on sofa beside Yusuke.

      This night was going to be interesting for both of us. I just hoped my back would survive sleeping on Yusuke’s bed, that is, if we had any time to sleep. Tomorrow was Saturday and we had all the time in the world to sleep later on. Being united with Yusuke was what I wanted and needed right now.


End file.
